I've been pondering this idea a lot and am at a total loss for an answer, so I'm hoping by pouring my feelings out and writing about it - I'll be able to get some feedback from everyone and come to peace with my question.
At what point is forgiveness not an option? At what point can someone be completely convinced that they will not and cannot forgive someone for doing wrong?
Yesterday night I caught the end of The Best Man on HBO...for those of you who haven't watched it, I suggest you drop at least one night of your plans in the next few days and watch it. Along with The Best Man Holiday. Wow. Simply wow. Watch both ASAP.
Without saying too much, the story or stories within the two movies are all based around the concept of forgiveness. It's about forgiving your best friend. Forgiving your lover. Forgiving yourself. Forgiving just about everything that could possibly hurt you. Digging yourself out of a situation and coming to peace with the fact that sometimes loving someone is bigger than the hurt they might cause you. It's about trusting that someone can be actually really sorry for what they did and come back to be a great friend. The kind of best friend you expect them to be to you. The movie involves acts of revenge, and repentance and even pure manipulation. But it really made me sit back and think...would I be able to forgive someone who hurt me so deeply? Who slept with someone I was with, or who took advantage of a situation with my best friend? Would I bring myself to the point of marriage when there is so much distrust just because I "love" someone?
I don't want this to be a religious post. I don't want this to involve religion in any way. By God's word...in every religion...forgiveness is key. It brings peace and hope to everyone and let's faith take over. I get that.
What I want this post to be about is reality. The reality of forgiveness. Does it happen the way it should or as often as it could possibly? Does forgiving someone actually mean you're giving them a chance to mess up again? Are you ready to forgive someone for hurting you so bad and opening the door to your life again... In an ideal world, forgiveness happens often and peacefully - but technically, in an ideal world forgiveness isn't even needed, right?
I've personally learned that forgiveness will give me peace. I wish for all my friends to be friends and for everything in my future to just be nice and calm - but we all know (some more than others) that my life doesn't always work like that..it's definitely not a box of sweet, yummy chocolates. But hey - I can only hope. In the mean time, I'm trying to think about what it would take to get me to the point where I won't be able to forgive anymore. Will there ever be a point where I just say "no"? Would it be "bad" of me to not find it in me to forgive someone? I'd like to think that everything ends the way it does in the two movies I watched today...but movies are movies and just that.
I'm probably just wasting my time even thinking about it right now. After all, I'm at peace with just about everything tonight. But the movies got me really thinking...
I guess my best conclusion to my own question would be - if my love and the love of the other person is bigger than the hurtful act that took place, I'd like to think that there's a path for us to come back and eventually be as strong as ever.
Thoughts?
Great post Rahna! (just finished your cyclist rant and feel like you do - so couldn't really comment anything you hadn't already said - scrolled down and found this gem).... I totally believe that is is more rare than we'd like to think - to complete forgive someone for certain actions (like the ones in the movies you mentioned)... hurts like that cut deep. I believe you can move forward in life by acknowledging what has happened and simply not giving that person another shot at betraying you in that fashion. Yes, you'll have squabbles with your friends, family, spouse, bf/gf ... and I believe that inadvertantly you could wind up with hurt feelings so yes, forgive and move that relationship forward. But there are some lines you don't cross .... and if you can be at peace without that person in your life, then I say "what is there to forgive?" ... won't it always serve as a reminder or what happened? of how they betrayed you and your friendship/relationship/marriage? and if those reminders bring up certain feelings in you, then have you REALLY forgiven? Girl, I don't know. DEF takes one helluva person.
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